1. The bird controller says the bird must go

I thought it was a very good idea but the government bird controllers would strongly dissent.

This warehouse of 10,000 sq ft stored imported coffee beans which would be roasted for making coffee powder. Weevils would appear. The bird inside the warehouse would eat them. Problem solved.

But the regulators want the warehouse to be free of birds. Besides hygience, there is the specter of bird flu affecting humans. So, get rid of all wild and free-flying birds in Singapore. The regulator's job is to get ensure that the warehouse is free of birds. No excuses.

"Does you anti-bird speakers work?" I asked the bird catcher.

"The bird could hear and was flapping his wings frantically, flying here and there," he said. "But the workers just parted the vertical plastic strips hanging outside the door (entrance). The door opening was not wide enough and so the bird did not fly out."

"What did you expect the workers to do?" I asked.

"Take down all the vertical strips so that the door opening is much bigger. When I switched on the speakers, the bird would fly out of the door! I wished the workers had more brains!"

"If they had more brains, would they be working in a dark warehouse?" I said. "Do you mean that there is only one bird in this warehouse?"

"Two birds did fly out of the door," Mr Button recalled.

"So, a half-opened door with the vertical strips tied to both sides still provided a sufficiently large gap for the two birds to escape. Maybe, this bird just does not want to go out to the outside world and take a risk of being starved or killed by people or animals?"

Mr Button said, "A catapult was used to knock this bird down. It did not work."

"A Samson using a catapult to kill David instead of the other way round?" I was glad that whoever tried this did not kill the bird. "Is the bird a crow or mynah?" Such birds are commonly seen in Singapore at food eating hawker centres.

"No, it is a small bird commonly seen in the Jurong area," Mr Button showed me the size of the bird by enclosing his right and left thumb and forefingers. "A bit bigger than a sparrow. He has scissor-like tail. I would say he is a swift."

I thought swifts are bigger birds. Maybe he is a young swift."

"Why don't you switch your speakers for 24 hours?" I hoped he did not do such a thing.

"This may not work. The bird may get used to it." Mr Button had loaned 4 speakers for the trial and he was not going to risk losing them. He was not paid for his time and advices. The speakers were placed at 45 degrees upwards at one speaker per 2,500 sq ft cover.

"Was the air rifle people called to shoot the bird?" I enquired. It seems that this group of people had shot crows and mynahs in various Singapore housing estates as these pests peed and pooped onto cars and the surroundings upsetting the inhabitants.

"No," Mr Button said. "You must remember that the warehouse is very dark. No point having lights for storing coffee beans. It is four storeys high."

"I was thinking. The air rifle shooting of the bird inside a warehouse may cause a fire."

"Air rifles use pellets," Mr Button said. "Pellets are not explosive".

"How about the friction of the speeding pellet hitting the roof of the warehouse. Surely the impact might cause a spark and fire to burn the warehouse down." Fortunately this option was not called for as the bird would be burnt to death.

Mr Button laughed, "There was another strategy to get rid of the bird. The pest control people proposed using a net attached to poles. 4 people holds the pole and elevate the net upwards towards the bird. So, the bird gets netted and caught."

"It appears to be a good idea," I thought. Using nets to catch stray cats and wild animals are commonly done.

"Did they do it?" I asked.

"The proposal cost S$20,000 and so was not acceptable," Mr Button wrinkled his forehead as he sipped his coffee at the McDonalds where he had invited me for a drink. I saw him at the Wheeler Place showroom on July 14, 2008 where I went to check out the famous Mac notebooks, hoping to buy one.

Mr Button continued, "In any case, I doubt this netting idea would work. I mean, the bird could just fly away as the net gets elevated and gets closer onto him. The warehouse is a 10,000 sq. ft and not a small place. It is as high as 4 storeys."

Maybe $20,000 would be needed as the pest control people needed to cover netting the whole roof. But $20,000 to get rid of one stayer?

Two birds had flown out. The American speakers were effective. But there is a stayer. Did he want to fly out or not? Would the stripping of all vertical strips from the door and the use of the speakers get him out? Maybe, if there is sufficient time and there is no people around or inside the warehouse.

This must be a street-wise bird. He probably knew that the outside world would be harsh and since there were plenty of weevils as new coffee beans get imported, why take the risk to venture out? I must not anthropomorphize.

A simple solution may be just to pay Mr Button for the use of the speakers valued at $4,800 and get rid of the vertical strips from the door, leaving a wider gap for the bird to exit. Everybody leaves the warehouse empty for 8 hours. The speakers are effective but the strategy of getting the bird to leave the warehouse is defective.